Most of us show up in the world by default in one of two ways. We move through our lives either “At the effect of” (reacting), or “as the cause of” (creating) the circumstances, people, and results we see.
This way of being – our reacting or creating – is often invisible to us. It’s learned, ingrained, habitual and yet so powerful. It shapes how we see our world. It’s a posture that informs our options and our actions. It frames our problems and opportunities. Ultimately, it influences the quality of our lives and the lives of the people around us.
“At the effect of” – the advantages
There are significant costs to living at the effect of, but it’s not all negative. There are real benefits and it’s these rewards and payoffs that often keep us hooked and make this way of life so appealing. These benefits are the things that keep us on the hamster wheel and convince us it’s how life should be lived. When we live reactively or “at the effect of”, people often see us as likeable, reliable, and responsible. People living this way are often are highly productive and when we lead from this place, we’re frequently known as the person with the answers. We can sometimes accomplish important results by controlling circumstances and people and there may be a feeling of power that’s enticing.
“At the effect of” – the costs
But there IS a cost to living at the effect of. It extracts a toll from us. For many, this cost is energy, time, focus, feeling depleted, lost opportunities, and a lack of mutually beneficial, collaborative relationships. We feel this cost, consciously or unconsciously and at some level we know we’re paying it.
“As the cause of”
However, there is another way. That is, living and leading as the cause of. Creating our preferred present and future by becoming the person we were designed to be. Causing the life we long for and creating results in alignment with our purpose. A life lived as the cause of is a life lived from the inside out.
Which one is true of my life?
How do we know if we’re living and leading as the cause of or at the effect of? For some, there is an intuitive knowing. But if that’s not true for you, perhaps you can see yourself in one or more of the following descriptions. This is not an all-inclusive list but here are some flags that may indicate a life lived at the effect of:
- Life is frantic.
- You feel frazzled much of the time just trying to get through today.
- Your work/life balance is not where you want it to be.
- People appear to be obstacles rather than allies.
- You’re spending the best parts of you helping other people accomplish their priorities while yours languish on the back burner.
- You find yourself seeking approval from others or hoping they’ll pick you.
- You experience life from the outside in.
- You’re spending time and energy trying to control circumstances, results, and people in your life.
- You find yourself avoiding conflict.
- Life feels like it’s happening to you.
By contrast, if you’re living or leading as the cause of, you may regularly experience one or more of the following:
- An inner confidence, groundedness, and peace even when external circumstances are swirling around you.
- A sense of purpose.
- You have a compelling picture in your mind of the value, service or results you want to create in the world, and it guides your actions throughout the day.
- People appear in your life as allies and partners.
- You experience obstacles and problems as opportunities to learn and grow.
- You experience life from the inside out.
- You work hard in service to your vision and purpose, rather than others’ expectations of you.
- You feel supported by the world, people, and circumstances around you.
- You experience life as happening throughyou.
We live in a volatile, uncertain, and complex world and despite our best intentions it’s not easy to always live life as the cause of the change or results we want to create. But it is a worthy objective, and we can, with practice, intention, commitment, and support, develop and embody new habits that reinforce a creative way of being in the world.
Regardless of how we’ve operated up until today, it’s encouraging to know that this is a choice we always have available to us and in many contexts. My invitation is to consider the two ways and then make a conscious decision to live a life as the cause of the results that are yours to create in the world.
This post was written by Keith Witmer, coach and founder of MapLife. For additional support creating the results you want to create through your life, leadership or business, connect with me at keith@voyagercoachconsult.com