“When I am silent, I hear my true self and reach my soul. When I am silent, I hear with a caring heart.”
-Thomas Merton, from Thoughts in Solitude
“Silence is golden.” It’s a familiar phrase, and you may even embrace the concept—perhaps most readily when it applies to others. But if you’re like so many of us, you resist silence and solitude in your own life.
There is extensive research showing the benefits to our mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health when we integrate solitude and silence into our lives. But even without the scientific evidence, I suspect most of us intuitively understand this to be true.
In my own life, I’ve come to experience silence as formative and indispensable to my personal growth.
Our relationship with ourselves, including what we’ve come to believe and accept about who we are and the degree of peace with which we hold those beliefs, has much to say about our sense of well-being.
It’s from our deepest sense of self that we view, take in, and make meaning of the world around us. And it’s in the quiet spaces that we are able to listen for and truly “hear with a caring heart” as Thomas Merton writes the truth of our essential nature.
I’ve found that it’s in my time alone sitting or walking in contemplative and reflective silence that the truth of my essential nature has come into greater focus. With this clarity, my relationship with myself (and others) has evolved, deepened, and become healthier in ways I could never have imagined when I began the practice years ago.
But what about you? How comfortable are you being alone, in silence, with only yourself and your thoughts for company?
There are many possible reasons why you may be challenged by silence. The intention here is not to shame, judge or even convince. It’s simply an invitation to explore your relationship with silence.
If you’re curious about what a practice of silence might entail, consider the following experiment.
- Begin with a spirit of curiosity, lightness, and play. It’s just easier and more enjoyable when we declare ourselves to be learners and hold it all loosely.
- Next, identify a time in your day when your environment is naturally quieter. This might be before everyone else wakes up or after others in your household have settled into their routines. Find a time that works best—even if it’s not perfect. (Noise-canceling headphones can provide wonderful support in filtering out distracting household noises.)
- Start small, perhaps 10 – 15 minutes of sitting alone to build this muscle. Release any expectations about what “should happen.” If that amount of time feels overwhelming, ease into the silent portion of this time by listening to soft music for five minutes. Then turn everything off, sit in silence for five minutes or so before turning the music back on for the last five minutes. Over time you can gradually increase the silent portion of this time.
- As you sit in silence, imagine you are sitting with a friend. That friend is you. Choose to be fully and completely present with yourself. Allow whatever comes up for you in terms of thoughts, emotions, or physical sensations to simply be present. There is no need to evaluate or suppress whatever comes up.
- Commit to five days of this practice over a two-week period. If you feel drawn to practice more often, follow your inclination to do so. If any part of this is uncomfortable, explore the discomfort with curiosity.
- The key to remember is there is no right way to do it. There is only the way that works for you, so feel free to make the adjustments that support you in the practice.
After the fifth practice session, consider journaling your responses to the following questions.
- What shifted for you between the first time and the fifth time?
- What did you learn about yourself?
- What emotions came up for you, before, during or after this experiment?
If you’ve made it this far, I hope it’s because something intrigues you or is calling you toward more reflective and contemplative silence and solitude in your life. If so, please let me know what you learn about yourself–in the days ahead or years from now. I’d love to hear from you! I can be reached at keith@voyagercoachconsult.com.